wowowohoooo...
i may hate u,
i may love u,
i may wan to get over u,
but i may still wan u to be there,
but tis seems impossible!!!!!!!!

hahah...i wonder wad i m up to...ok guess who i saw early in the mornin on the way to skol..ahaha..i saw my sis's eye candy..ahahha...so funny se...wid my sotong hair n blur face, i walked down the pathway,seeing sum familiar face smilin at me n me clearing n skimmin my thoughts to recognise tis face..finally remembered who he is..hmm..he was smiling..so in exchange of his smile, i gave him a smile too..(polite se)ahhah...hmmm he was standing as if he wanted to start a conversation wid me..me feeling awkward decided not to start a conversation at all..so b4 he started talking, i waved n said a big Hello to him..he was juz smiling..den juz walked straight to the bus stop..hmm yay i m out of the trap..whooosh...i dun noe wad to talk se..he cms shocked when i walked away but comeon, i did say Hello...gd enuf se..so while waitng for e bus, i could feel eyes staring at me..but i acted cool la..no need kanchong..luckily bus came fast..but it was packed..woowow anti climax ah...

hmm so sabrina waited for a while to c if got space la..den she turned to the back to say bb to him but he was nowhere in sight..onli one stupid guy was there...hmm mayb he had left la..ok lets take e bus..ok so r u as blur as me to tink tat he has gone? hmmm.he was still there la..he was on the other side to c if i had board the bus..den when the bus started to move, i could c him lookin toward the bus to c if i was there..hmmm....funny la...

hmm mayb i was over sensitive or tinkin too much into it..or mayb i had been watchin lots of hindi movies so narrated to u tat story..but its true la...ahahha...i m kind of amazed by guys' way of doing stuffs..they mayb so ignorant of stuffs but simply adorable..ahaha...wowowo i really had smth to spite my sis..aahha..cannot wait to tell her..gosh she will be burnin hot in a pot of jealousy...ahhaha...comeon sis, its normal..u can follow me to skol next week if he still take the bus at tat time..ahaha...me so mean se..but i m like tat..aaha...

today cms to tink deeply into stuffs se..after a long time..was tinkin of my actions tis yr..was tinkin of ppl's perceptions towards me..wat ppl really regarded me as..hmm....so many tings to tink se..was definitely disappointed in myself coz of bio..i really had no idea wat to write for tat timed assignment..from tat i realised tat i m lagging a lot..far back..hmm...veri sad..hopes r being dashed..thoughts r wild..hmm...i m blur n confused..

i need help man..who can help me set my thoughts back to its proper sense...i wan be the person i m..not the facade tat had been shielding me...hmm...wait i m tinkin deeply now..oh no...

ok..ppl..i need sum rest..ahaha...see ya again..tata titi tutu..(:

hmm yesterday was damn hectic day for me la..went to jb wid mom n didi mala for sum shopping and sales tingy...haiz...damn tired..had to carry lots of stuffs and walked alot..n not to forget climbed lots of staircase...haiz...it cms i m losing lots of weight but den mom spent lots of money on buyin me snacks n food to keep me going coz she noes i m Crazy over food and Food is my survival kit..so i was actually munching away or listenin to songs in this whole destination..or either i was helpin them carrying bags..hmm..quite fun coz we r liked travellin from Tiram to Senai and to Kulai...all wid weird names..saw sum beautiful houses which kept me dreaming abt buying bungalow in Malaysia..quite worth it le...den went to didi rathi's house n didi mala's mom house...theirs were kampong houses...wowow..i tell u it was a different surroundin...there were goats, chickens, dogs and cats and many more la..saw a lot..it felt so different there..though i tink that its much comfortable sleepin in my own bed n house, it was damn peaceful over there..the climate was so cool..it was totallly different....was actaully enjoying myself there even it juz felt so different..so cool n exciting.. i really wan to try livin in kampong though i m scared of certain stuffs like...where to bath, lizards, whoosh a lot se...how to stay den..hmmm...my fears will juz be an hindrance to my experience..sad...

hmm last two days went for bio lesson all alone..tried to make frens wid others which i did..yay...i have made new frens...!!!!!!!hmm though it was boring widout hayati n kar yee but i got rid of the loneliness n boredom wid new frens...ahahha...

went back alone.. but really felt like a princess on tat day..ok let me narrate to u wat happen..was sitting at the bus stop all alone waiting for the bus when kamal came..so took the bus wid kamal n his fren n den alighted at the bus stop to take 985..den kamal didnt go back widhis fren so he stayed wid me..i tot he had a bus to take home si was juz talking..den as u noe i m a Hungry Ghost so i felt hungry...so decided to went to old chang kee..but lookin at kamal's bag being heavy, i pitied him la..fancy carrying his heavy bag to juz accompany me la..so i said no..but den he insisted so i said ok la..went all e way there get my food and den he accompanied back to the bus stop...so we waited for a while n den my bus came so i happily said bb n asked him wait long long for his bus.. but when i board the bus, he stood up n walked wid me..so i tot he might b takin e same bus as me..i m such a fool but he was not la..he was walkin to the mrt station to take train..i was punkd or mayb he was being too nice la...wwoowo..i was awwwwwwwwww...tats so sweet la..waited wid me, accompanied me to but food n den waited again...goodness..he damn sweet la..i tink he scared i so bored mayb..but den he so nice la..he really makes a gd fren se..haiz...i m definitelt happy n touched la..i m no more lonely or bored on tat day coz i had a fren who really made me happy..ahaha..thnx kamal.. simple ting like tat did make me so contented la..little tings like tat really can make me happy..ahahha...

ok today really missed my frens while listenin to songs..was tinkin of the funny tings tat happen in skol la..haiz...ok i tink i shall not complain or..hm...ok la..

veri sleepy so will blog more la...nite ppl..sweet dreams...(:

ellozzz...ahaha....ok howmany days have i not blogged? hmm mayb 2 days? ahah...ok last two days have been a veri long day tat passed so slowly..yesterday was my cousin's wedding..the food was superb..n i REAALLY LOVE the songs sung by the live band...damn fun..though its quite bring coz when they sang fast beat songs, there were no one at the dance floor so we were juz listening la..den later on the singers were asking ppl to dance..so they drageed me n sis along..so we like blur ku ku danced la..den the bridegroom n bride accompanied us throughout the whole dance..quite fun la..it cms like me n sis r th eonli young one dancing wid the old ones..so when we danced veri fast, they looked at us wid the look like"hey they r veri gd ah? or how cum they r dancing like tat?" hmm ok la..den had some pictures snapped wid the newly weds.

den went to cousin' house to spend time there coz there were no one at home to entertain me..den was chatting wid ben, munirah and others la..was juz passing my time la.. nth to do la..juz sat down n catched up on stuffs coz it has been sum time since we meet la...

went to fetch mom n sis from shop den went home..hmm i guess i ddidnt spend my precious time properlyy..i could have study but did not..haiz..today also didnt do much..was juz readin art notes n bio notes coz tml there will be bio extra lessons where hayati n kar yee will not be there la..sad se..i will be alone la..haiz..nvm mus get used to this loneliness ahha...

ok la..i wan go already la...i miss my frens se..its onli 3 days n i missed them la..haiz.. darwy has gone to NTU for pre u sem den grace will b leavin for china tml..oh my i m left alone..luckily still got fiza and crazy cousins to entertain me la..diana supposed to be on9 but she also not there.haiz....i m sad ...veri sad..haiz..i wan my frens..

hey next week my bdae..yay..i m goin got be 18 but too old se..hmm so wad i m goona do on tat day? hmm...no idea..

see ya tml den..i will blog more k..nites..sweet dreams..

yay...today is finally the day tat i have been expecting for but when it comes, it really shows how many days i have to exams..tis is really freaking me out la..i juz need prepare a damn timetable, follow it thru and prepare myself for the exams..dinesh(my bro) was advisin me as to do well for mid yr an DUN GIVE UP..he kinda showed me e light la..i shall try my best la..will try to come up wid a studying schedule for the month..

den the whole of first week is gone for me la..have bio for the next week and den have art tour wid tis artist Amanda Heng..if i m not wrong..she did tis ting abt women roles in the society..hmm..i hope i m rite..i have STM la...everything also forget...

today was greeted wid warmness of some ppl early in the morning..tat caused me to wake up late later on..i tink u guys dun understand la..butits ok..figure it out..i cms to really love playing the FIGURE IT OUT game ah..ahah..but i was really happy wid myself..i was really being frank wid these ppl tat i guess they will laughing their hearts out loud when they heard me said tat..hmm..i was suprised myself wid wad i said..but i was filled wid anger la..i could not control my anger thus erupted like VOLCANO..ahahha...

today is also kind of a sad day coz ms alicia ng, my gp teacher is leaving us for dunman high..pretty upset coz i find her teachin damn enriching la..goonna miss her classes, her feminism, her way of saying stupid and she calling me STUPID COW..ahah..i hope we get a teacher like her after tis hols...pls...

today had a scare at the senade..the SCs were playing a fool la..melinda called me to e senade coz she said there was smth wrong wid my blazer. so believing wad she said, me being a fool followed her. maisha was in there too wid suffian, sufri, qiao ying. she asked me to open the door of the cabinet. so i went to do wad was instructed. so pick a boo..i opened n ridzwan JUMPED OUT... guess wad i did..obviously shouted..and the funniest stuff was tat i out my hands out as if stoppin smth from falling and den jumped backwards...they all started laughin la..haiz...lame but ok la..woke me up i guess...

yay.my bdae is comin soon..mom was asking me wad to do for tat..kind of not planning anything..kind of tired i guess..tis yr like no mood to celebrate se...but i tink when the day comes, i will b so excited..i told mom tat i wan Winnie the Pooh cake but mayb she finds it too childish..me goin b 18 wad...haiz..dun wori POOH,u will always be in my heart no matter wad..the love will not decrease..but u muz remain faithful to me..dun talk to shaqirah..she is bad..sorry ah ppl...i had some private moments wid Pooh la..ahahh

ok la..gtg now..gonna start my study schedule soon..c ya soon..i dun noe if i have time to blog..but will try...bb..nitezzzzzzz..tc..love ya..

yeah...another day to my hols and also to my suffering and Also to mu mugging for the mid yr tat is juz after the hols....aaha....judging from the attitude and the way i 'SLOG' for the exams, i may not succeed la..haiz..i need do smth with my study schedule..need go for so many consultation and so many group study so i can seek help and clear my doubts.hmm..lets figure tis out by mayb Tml...hmm...

next lets start wid today...did a bad powerpoint presentation on Louvre today..): but i will try my best for others den..had accounts when mr tbt said i talked to myself and i have problems wid tis..wth..but it cms true coz i do talk to myself sumtimes while studying...not Crazy but to teach myself..ahah..den went for geog where darwy was entertaining me wid her antics..always got entertained by her la...laugh n laugh onli...

signed out earlt coz had to go for family dinner today..its my bro's bdae!!!yeah he is bcumin older..ahah...but i dun feel like going after knowing tat sum pppl will b there but mom was like " she loves u guys so shldn't be like tat la" oh ok...give me a break kay..haiz...shejuz dun understand tat i really REALLY need time for all tis...i need to adapt la...wth..y not she be in my shoe and c how i feel la...haiz...parents r parents..they will take time to figure and analyse wat their children r tinking. i shall not be bother den..go for MY BROTHER and the FOOD..hmm yummy..

i love love FOOD..but....ok..lets b happy today..no sadness..i wan be happy la..haiz...yesterday made a fool out of myself...mr imran was talking abt scientist that r inventing rice wid vitamin C...guess wad was on my mind den...so the silly sabrina raised up her hand n asked teacher "teacher, will they be tasting like ORANGES?"..oh no..i wonder wat was i tinking..the whole class started laughing and sum were calling me SPASTIC...haiz....sad sad...sab sab naive se....goodness. made a fool out of myself...

ok la..need go now..need get ready...oh i hate to get ready..i tink i m not a gal coz i dun like to wear nice clothes or be pretty..i love bein messy..haiz...i may have the genes of a guy man...oh no..I M A GUY..not a gal....ok la..beta hurry up..mom is nagging ans sis is shouting waiting for me to bath..ok..gtg...see ya tml..(: be happy..

heloooo....wowo its like been a week since i updated my blog..ahaha..cms pretty bz huh...hmmm...not tat bz la..mayb too lazy to update..tis is e last week of school and next week will be the first week of hols..kind of scary coz i will b sitting for mid yr after hols...and it really cms tat i m not even prepared for it..tats pretty scary....

didnt do much though i had 3 days of rest...was slacking at home but did read up on physical geog..then i realised tat i had a lot of revision to do coz there are so many topics to learn all over again..oooolallala....die la..last min work always neva turn out fine u c..

yesterday went to the mosque for the maybe 4 th time....kind of glad tat i set my foot there again. went to this place called keramat..i have no idea wats e word to translate to english...basically this place is specially for those people who are Allah's best man and they passed away already. their tombs are there so we pay our respect to them..i went there as to ask help from this privilleged coz they will be asking for me to Allah. there were like so many tings to ask for form them but i hope they can help me though. because i really need help and then for the happiness of my family la..hmm..tat was pretty awesome coz usually we will find tombs at the cemetery but i can c tombs at the mosque too...not bad ah..it was so quiet and peaceful there..it was also windy despite the weather being so hot..

later on, went to Plaza Singapura for the bloody first time..can u imagine it being my first time..ahah..my frens will surely agreed coz i cms to be lost in spore context as i neva go out tat much..ahahha...so went there and saw a lot of shops(as usual) then went to get gifts for my brother as his birthday is on tis fri n den went to fetch mom..by then, all my energy was used up..damn tired...

den now up to do EOM...i m in dead shit la...i have art, poa and pw to do.damn stress la..i m bad at managing time la..shitty...feeling awful..dun noe for wad reason..feelin hungry..oh no..i m HUNGRY...ahahha....

hello...2 days neva blog se so decided to blog today...today is e another day tat i didnt study much..it was kind of slacky...hmm went for usual routine, first started wid geog, gp, poa and art..geog was ok but we didnt do tat much la..it was kind of boring tat me n shiq kept popping sweets..our strategy to keep awake..den got sum racist joke by mr saw..wat la mr saw..den gp was also boring but did learn smth rite..didnt i? i m doubtful of myself coz i seems to forget stuffs a lot easier now..sat for 2 poa tests den went for art..supposed to hand up mindmap on the realism artists but e file was not wid me..so didnt do much..disappointed ms qi..haiz...learnt 3 more Nanyang artists..all difficult names se..how to remember and grace gave me a nice idea to name them Ben, Jerry and wat ah..i cannot remember se..there goes my STM...

went for tis briefing by mr ser and was controlling laughter when he started to talk..no offence..went back home wid kaisheng, fathi, michelle and darwy...slept my way back home..was tired though i didnt do tat much..was readin thru sum of my fren's blog and read sum of their recent post..quite sad la..i felt it even when i didnt experience it myself..

sum ppl supposed to help me for art but didnt help also..hmm lets wait see if tat person will help or not k..ok la now i wan go n read up on my art notes...need to revise on alot..so c ya again..nites...read up on tis statement..

I give over my entire destiny to the beloved one
If he so desires, he shall let me live..
If he so desires, he will bring about a loss of a friend
My satisfaction comes from his satisfaction

I MISS MY STAR!!!!!!! i have been keepin an eye on tis star but its gone..no more within my vision..damn sad..:(i wan c e star again...i wan...

Damn happy SHILAH is back in skol..yah she is BACK..mizz her a lot la..now can bully her..yeah..miz her man..saw her early morning and cannot resist to give her a hug..shilah, miz u la..and welcum back..ahaha...hey i not lesbi k..i miss her as she's my closest fren la...its been one month la..ahha...

i have been tinking deeply lately..tinking of so many stuffs so cannot list down..it will never end..had been listenin to songs: Lady Marmalade, Monday Morning 5.19 and My all...got addicted to them la..ahahha...3 more days to Institute day...

have been tinkin wad to do for my birthday but could not cum up wid any idea..mayb a ride on the Spore's fly? wad say? i also dun noe la..its like 1 month to my birthday, still long but yet i m already planning for it..siao la me..

grace agreed to my previous post abt guys...dats random but i did agree to a certain extent la..ahhaha...guess she has not been feeling happy tis few days..grace, smile often and dun be sad..happiness will chase all sadness...i tink so...ahahha..tats my quote..ahahha... so SMILE(:

ok la..wan go now..got so many tings to do la..tatata..i m finding for my star..did u c any? its small and twinkling..hahaha...i m MAD...ahhaha...see ya...nite(: anyway my moodswing is like so funny la..sumtimes angry, sumtimes sad and sumtimes happy n mad..tats so funny..ahaha...)

CAMWHORING THE WHOLE DAY....will upload e pics tml i tink..i damn tired...i passed 2.4km after so long..damn damn HAPPY...danced wid cheerleaders...POWER!!!!!!!and found out sum differences n similarities abt marriage among me, darwy n munira..Found out and CONFIRMED tat GUYS r DUMBOS, wat say? yes they r!!!!!!!!!!ok guys listen up, if u dun give a damn abt the gals tat like u, their feelings will juz fade away for u guys n they may juz wan get over it..OVER IT..n its damn bloody painful for gals..den if u come back to make it up when the gals decided to give up, u juz make tings bloody difficult la..they wan start a new but u guys are the HINDRANCE...so guys, start doing sumthing wid ur intelligence...i hope u guys have tat..duh..sabby damn mean ah..ahahah...but its true..so ACCEPT THE DAMN TRUTH..ahahhaha...

ciaoz...nite ppl(: sweet dreams..

hahhaa..a start of new day?????ya rite...my foot..wat new day...its like another day tat is not meant to be there but shld be there...ahahha...today was e slackiest day la..didnt do much in skol i guess..

came to skol damn early juz to sign the code of conduct..wat is tat, many of u will ask? ok its like a paper full of rules and regulations tat student councillors shld abide by...it was damn sucky k...everyone need to sign tat treaty..and den another bad news..sc muz report to skol at 7.45am to the teacher in charge and get spot check to c if hair is neat and attire is tidy..wat shit is tat la..we r not being trusted at all..yes i noe they wan us to be of role model to others but den they shld at least have tat little trust in us..ok i shldn't complain much..

den went for gp where we got punished for not completing our work..sat outside like project runway's judges where we comment on those who walked past us..damn funny la..den we started wid smth called Kelin..no offence..ahahha...damn funny la..most of us confessin if we have indian's blood..siao la..supposed to be punished but was enjoying outside e classroom..i was enjoying myself la..

den went for acc where i were sleepy..damn damn sleepy but tried to keep myself awake..
n finally it was last lesson, ART...i kind of looking forward to it as its like a relax place for us.den me n shiqeen sat down wid mala as muneera was absent..was laughing my heads off wid mala la..teacher can tink tat we 3 lesbi..ahahah...i can sumore say"cher, u dun noe ah?"ahhaha..made her confused ahaha...i tink she kind of played along wid me la..

den had footage wid mr hisham..tis video tingy will b played on institute day..ahah...popular la..ahahah siao..paise la..luckily its juz for a while la..

waited for sis n fiza for them to finish cheerleading..den calvin was super quiet la..neva say hi..heart break se..ahah..he looked at me like dun wan look like tat..i was tinkin y se..den after tat i asked him"hey y neva say hi se?" den he said sorry and said hi to me..den my heart which is broken mended again..ahahah...den he asked me to wait for him to go back home together..so cute la..ahahha... he was trying to cheer others coz all were in bad mood..ahha..i lovehis spirit la..go calvin..i support u..ahahha...but he damn gd la..so caring..haiz..

went back wid fiza and entertained her widmy silly antics..singing tis malay song like budak cacat means retarded..but the song damn nice..i will learn it and sing for fiza...ahahah..she will be touched ahahha..or will she cry coz of my "melodious" voice..ahahha..

ok i will go now..wan go ans stoned somewhere..ahaha...c ya next day different time k..ahhah..sabby crazy already liao..ahah...nite babies ahahha...my cousin called me tat..siao..like i big baby or in malay they say baby ganyut..wth la...ahahha...nite..(:

ok lets start wid yesterday..after 1 week of skol and "studying", my brain became too congested and so where did i go to relax..Tekka temporary market..ahaha..u all might tink like"cheh isnt there other places she can go to chill? tekka?"..ahahha...ok went there to help my mom in setting up the place as they juz shifted from tekka market to tis new market..damn it was so stuffy and hot..cannot take the heat la..sumore i wore black shirt...felt like roasted chicken la..

really wanted to go back home early but was stopped by maid and sis..i tell u, these 2 go there got motives la..they psycho la..both wan to c sum ugly ppl there..haiz..nth to do there la..basically was juz touring ard the place and guess wad, my mom's shop is juz opposite tis Briyani's shop la..the best briyani la..power la..i anytime can get food hahaha....i kept calling sis"Tamila"ahahh and spoke to her in the Tamil accent which got her really pissed off..really made a fool out of myself in front of many but who cares..was telling a lot of silly jokes to ppl and tat brought smiles to their faces coz they looked so dead tired so tot of making them happy..n I DID IT..as usual, my mind was not working well yesterday..tings were juz not turning the way i wan..i cannot control the way they work rite..ahhah...juz wait for nature to take its course la..

hmm...wad to blog ah...i m short of words la..i m still tinking whether to go to Japan or not..Kar yee said she mite go if i go..zara and afiqah were persuading me to go..who else going ah? i alsonot sure le..yesterday was finally like a family day coz was there wid mom..ahahha...anyway when i read my previous entry, i was laughing my heads off la..so damn emo la..neva tot tat i would be writing those stuffs la..ahaha..tats wat happen when one is so sad and lonely..yupz...

today did nth much..tot of revising bio but den was so bored...so mayb later la..tml will be the 8th week..den after 2 weeks, it will b JUNE hols..yeah tats wat i have been waiting for la..

today reached home at 930pm..damn late..stayed back in skol to support darwy and also to finish my geofiles..managed to finish everything..

received a phone call from dad in the bus tat really made me so emotional..he was like asking me where m i and wat time will i reach home..isnt it too late already..i tot tat u will return home early after Gis..my dad nagged la..den he said smth like my mom dun care wat time i finished skol coz she priortise her shop and i m like drifting apart from my family..its like when i reached home, my parents are absent den i went to sleep. never get to c them so often at home unless its e weekends..den when i tot abt it, watver my dad said were rite la..these few weeks, i m veri BZ and neva spent time at home..u can neva find me wid family..i admit tat our time clashed but den...my life damn hectic la..after the nag, i was staring at blank space..tinking over wat my dad said..tears were juz waiting for my permission to flow..but den i juz controlled myself..

u may tink tat i m so attached to my family b4..yes i was attached but now..i m nowhere in the scenes at home..i m like in another island..trying to reach them but...i terribly missed my family life la..i really missed my loved ones..where r they when i need them the most? when they r not there, my frens took their place n gave me support..but now..it cms tat nobody understand wat i m going thru..i wanted to share wid my frens but who is willing to hear my story?tis feelings damn sucky la..it juz hurts inside so much tat i have no damn bloody words to describe it..

adding on to it, kar yee took my hand n tried to read it n wat she said stunned me.."sab, u r not tat close to ur family"..i was like"errr ok!" it sounded so true but it was difficult for me to accept the truth...where did all the closeness and love we had? did it juz disappeared into thin air? i really have no idea..

i have been wanting freedom..i kept telling my frens tat but now when there's no one to tie me and freedom is juz one hand away from me, i do not wan it coz i wan e attention of my parents..tis is so much difficult..coz i really really wan freedom but den i tot i wun get used to freedom coz i was always tied last time..

sum ppl said tat i m stoned hearted..m i really one? no feelings of sympathy, love and happiness for others? do i really have attitude and putting up a facade? tis is so confusin...i really have no idea wat m i really like..ppl juz dun understand me or i m so sensitive to listen to their comments so i can make sum changes i n my life?

i guess i have been tinking too much today..when i need sumone there for me, there's basically no one or i juz scared to share my story..is there anyone i can trust and juz vomit out all my feelings and story? haiz...there's no answer...

have been trying to control my feelings for tat person but it cms bloody difficult. can he juz stop being nice and can i juz stop all tis shit tings? ppl who have been reading my blog would say tat"haiyo, she has started again abt her love life and can't she be firm in her decisions?" but i m damn fickle minded..to love or to give up..to break or to join....wth...i rather be stoned hearted than get influenced by all tis tings tat may not b important in my life..bloody painful la inside..today is like my Revealing the other side of me ah...

i juz dun noe myself la..wth..i have running tis life for the past 17 yrs and i m still unsure abt myself..i really missed my late grandma la..where is she?...i wan u back la..at least she will be there when i need help..

ok la..i tink enuf of tis bullshit la..i juz cannot get over it yet..gtg now..nite ppl..