today reached home at 930pm..damn late..stayed back in skol to support darwy and also to finish my geofiles..managed to finish everything..

received a phone call from dad in the bus tat really made me so emotional..he was like asking me where m i and wat time will i reach home..isnt it too late already..i tot tat u will return home early after Gis..my dad nagged la..den he said smth like my mom dun care wat time i finished skol coz she priortise her shop and i m like drifting apart from my family..its like when i reached home, my parents are absent den i went to sleep. never get to c them so often at home unless its e weekends..den when i tot abt it, watver my dad said were rite la..these few weeks, i m veri BZ and neva spent time at home..u can neva find me wid family..i admit tat our time clashed but den...my life damn hectic la..after the nag, i was staring at blank space..tinking over wat my dad said..tears were juz waiting for my permission to flow..but den i juz controlled myself..

u may tink tat i m so attached to my family b4..yes i was attached but now..i m nowhere in the scenes at home..i m like in another island..trying to reach them but...i terribly missed my family life la..i really missed my loved ones..where r they when i need them the most? when they r not there, my frens took their place n gave me support..but now..it cms tat nobody understand wat i m going thru..i wanted to share wid my frens but who is willing to hear my story?tis feelings damn sucky la..it juz hurts inside so much tat i have no damn bloody words to describe it..

adding on to it, kar yee took my hand n tried to read it n wat she said stunned me.."sab, u r not tat close to ur family"..i was like"errr ok!" it sounded so true but it was difficult for me to accept the truth...where did all the closeness and love we had? did it juz disappeared into thin air? i really have no idea..

i have been wanting freedom..i kept telling my frens tat but now when there's no one to tie me and freedom is juz one hand away from me, i do not wan it coz i wan e attention of my parents..tis is so much difficult..coz i really really wan freedom but den i tot i wun get used to freedom coz i was always tied last time..

sum ppl said tat i m stoned hearted..m i really one? no feelings of sympathy, love and happiness for others? do i really have attitude and putting up a facade? tis is so confusin...i really have no idea wat m i really like..ppl juz dun understand me or i m so sensitive to listen to their comments so i can make sum changes i n my life?

i guess i have been tinking too much today..when i need sumone there for me, there's basically no one or i juz scared to share my story..is there anyone i can trust and juz vomit out all my feelings and story? haiz...there's no answer...

have been trying to control my feelings for tat person but it cms bloody difficult. can he juz stop being nice and can i juz stop all tis shit tings? ppl who have been reading my blog would say tat"haiyo, she has started again abt her love life and can't she be firm in her decisions?" but i m damn fickle minded..to love or to give up..to break or to join....wth...i rather be stoned hearted than get influenced by all tis tings tat may not b important in my life..bloody painful la inside..today is like my Revealing the other side of me ah...

i juz dun noe myself la..wth..i have running tis life for the past 17 yrs and i m still unsure abt myself..i really missed my late grandma la..where is she?...i wan u back la..at least she will be there when i need help..

ok la..i tink enuf of tis bullshit la..i juz cannot get over it yet..gtg now..nite ppl..