i guess its been sum time since i updated my blog..seeing my frens updating their blog, i also had the urge to do so...so wads up these days? to tell u frankly, i had been bz wid the dance practices..dead tired but i have to do it..i cannot complain much coz sabira too had class n drivin to catch up wid..so was prety dead bz wid these dancin tingy tat i guess i have to really reject offers after offers to go out wid my frens n slack..the first time was when fandy asked me to go to ecp coz the others will be there..but i had to be at my cuzzy's house for dance...definitely had to reject tat offer...second was chan chan's bdae where my frens were out to celebrate but sabrina had to go to shop after skol to check on the workers n den rushed to cuzzy's place AGAIN for DANCE.. fandy called me again askin if i were free to go n celebrate chan chan's bdae, u surely can guess wads my answer...i have to keep rejecting offers n tat really made me feel so bad...i cms to be losing most of my frens due to tis tingy..i mayb complainin a lot but u guys may not understand wad e hell m i goin thru...i still have to sit for my bio paper 1...u guys might tink its chicken feet but i have been scoring badly for mcqs dun noe for wad reasons...worst come to worst, i will juz leave the dance tingy..i will not be a part of it..really...

saniyya os already one month plus old...and now she is veri pampered by everyone..ppl will buy clothes for her from almost verywhere they went to..sum from sydney, london n thailand...she is loved by everyone..n i m so happy abt tat coz she is the youngest in the family and she has all the attention..the onli thing she can do now is cry, eat, sleep and dun forget her basic routine..u shld noe wad..the one tat i dundescribe here but we also do...try crackin ur head la..ahhaha...now she is tryin to talk but unfortunately we dun understand her baby language...den when we talked, she will try to understand but its impossible la..ahahha...she is bcumin fatter everyday n cuteri muz say...hopefully she keeps growing and growing....so big n pretty...

yesterday was a veri bad day for me...i have no bloody reason to cry but when i hugged winnie and tried to sleep, i got reminded of the past n the happenings now...tat really caused me to cry so badly..perhaps its been a long long time since i shed a tear...i juz cannot be the person that they wan me to bcum..i need time..time to really change myself too bcum like tat...i m myself..when i m childish, ppl keeps sayin tings like sabrina, u r already 18 n u r tinkin like tis...shameful...den when i get into my seriousness, ppl disliked me tinkin tat im too arrogant...tis ic annot bcum, tat i cannot bcum, den wad u wan me to bcum...its veri difficult..i have been putting on a smile even when ppl insulted me coz of my behavious or etiqutte, coz i wan show a brave front..but when the insults keep on piling up, it bcums so heavy tat i juz cannot bear to listen to everyting..i cannot find anyone to share it wid...ppl are juz so bz so i juz have to keep in my heart..n once my heart finds it too suffocating, i will juz break down..i alreay promised myself tat i wun get influenced by ppl's opinions but thses opinions are following me n i cannot escape from it..as if i can shut the door to these opinions..i accepted these opinions but its damn difficult to change myself.. if grandma is here, she will be there tolisten to me n consoled me..yesterday was really a teary night for me..firstly, had to break down all alone and secondly, no one is there to listen..i m not complainin if no one is there to listenbut pls la..give me time to adjust n dun keep repeating it to me..n stop comparin me to ppl..i m different...everyone is different...y can't they juz understand me...when they compared me, i will get angry wid myself coz i cannot bcum like those ppl..i m being put in a difficult situation...

i was tinkin..y muz i change bcoz of these ppl..y m i forced to bcum who i m not...y can't they juz accept me for who i m...m i too difficult to be accepted...i m also a livin ting...have feelings...but no one in tis world...so now i m not gonna care abt ppl though it mayb hurting but i rather hurt ppl now coz i have been goin thru all these shits...n no one understand...u guys always wan me to be a fairy like n juz listen widout objecting, now i will change n bcum more insensitive...if tats wad they wan me to bcum...keeping quiet is not the way in tis cruel world...den later ppl will complain abt my behaviour again.. let them tok...k..i will be dumb from now on..too frustrated wid stuffs..sori guys i m not being emo..i m juz lettin eveytin out n loose..

oki den...i m so tired complainin..i may go insane wid tis goin on...hasta lavista ppll...love ya..(= keep smiling no matter wad..tats wad i m gonna do..their opinions will neva affect my happiness..